Yesterday I spoke with an ex-boyfriend because I was concerned about his family in New Jersey. We've managed to maintain a pretty functional friendship since our break-up so conversing with him was no issue until a moment from the past was mentioned during this conversation. We've discussed things of the past before but it was mostly about the mistakes that we made and lessons we learned from them. The things that were brought up today revealed unresolved anger and hurt from an incident that we both played a role in creating. Due to the realization of obvious unresolved discomfort on his part I desired to discuss it but the feelings weren't mutual; so, the conversation ended with no resolution. I was quite disturbed by that because it was so obvious that this was an issue that needed to be discussed and resolved. Love keeps no record of wrongs and puts others before itself so I didn't press the issue. However, I did make a decision that I should've made long before yesterday.
Immediately two songs came to mind, "Moving Forward" by Israel Houghton and "Keep on Moving On" by Hezekiah Walker. I've listened to and even sang these songs several times before but today I realized just how necessary it was to move forward and move on from past relationships that have some level of dysfunction! I began to see that everytime I said "hello" to them, I was in some kind of way opening the door again to my past. I honestly thought it was necessary to maintain a friendship since I had played a role in the failure of the relationship; but I realized today that I did not owe my past a thing. Instead I owed my future a final goodbye to my past...and mean it!
When we don't "actively" move forward, we will end up subconsciously allowing our past to hinder us from experiencing the joys of our present and the expecation of our future. We can't just think it but we have to do it. We also have to be willing to let it all go without any bitterness, unforgiveness, guilt, or condemnation. We must be willing to forgive ourselves for any and all failures. We owe it to our present and our future to forgive, forget, and move forward.
Peace, Blessings, and Favor
"The 'yes' inside of you is a 'yes' for someone else", said LeAndria Johnson in one of her interviews. This statement was so powerful to me because I could relate to it in so many ways. Eight years ago, I said 'yes' to God's will and way for my future but it was not until recently that I realized my 'yes' was not about me but for someone else. The promises God made and the things He showed me about my future really fueled my faith and gave me passion for my purpose. However, it was not until I made the first step towards that future that I began to realize that there was a process that I had to go through in order to see those promises and fulfill my purpose. I faced challenges, endured hardships, and encountered things that were very discomforting and painful but God used them all to make me the woman that I am today. Some were direct consequences of choices I made but, again, God used them for my good. He gave me the gift to write, play, and sing and showed me how to use those struggles to produce positive messages of hope, healing, and encouragement through song and poetry. I didn't realize that my 'yes' would lead me to a place where I would have to decide whether I wanted to help or be helped until I got to Iowa, which is where I am now. Here is where I've really had to take on the mind of Christ, where I'm saying ''not my will but Yours be done". Even though this has been the most uncomfortable place since I started this journey, God has shown me, through the life of Christ, that it is not about me but about someone else. When we take on the mind of Christ, we realize that our 'yes' is about doing and going through what's necessary to help someone else. When Jesus endured fleshly temptations without yielding, He was thinking about the requirement to be holy in order to die for sinful man. When He endured persecutions without giving up, He was thinking about what we would go through when we believed in Him. When He wrestled with His will and God's will in the Garden of Gethsemane, He was being an example for us who would get weak and feel like giving up on our purpose. When He said "It is finished", He was giving us victory over the power of the enemy that would try to keep us bound by his tactics, plots, and scheme. Jesus' 'yes' was all about you; so make your 'yes' about someone else.
Peace, Blessings, and Favor
I have been afforded the opportunity to be one of the guest ministers for a youth conference this weekend. I've been taught to prepare by seeking God's specific will and plan prior to completing any assignment. In my time of preparation and seeking God, I fast, or abstain, from something that I know would keep me from hearing God clearly and being distracted from focusing on the assignment ahead. Yesterday, I was reminded that holiness requires discipline. Discipline to me is a consistent practice of abstinence from those things that would hinder me from living the life that I've been called to live...and that's holy. So during my time of meditation and abstaining in preparation for my upcoming assignment, I paused to checked my motives. In doing so, I asked myself, "why do you only 'consciously' abstain only when you have a 'particular' assignment?" That led to me asking myself, "why don't you have a consistent practice of abstaining simply because discipline is a requirement to living holy.'' I Peter 1:15-16 reads: But as He which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; Because it it written, Be ye holy; for I am holy. In looking at this scripture, I see that I'm called to be holy before I am called to minister. Therefore, if holiness requires discipline then it should be like second nature to fast, or abstain, from those carnal things that satisfy ONLY the flesh. Fasting builds the spirit man and weakens the carnal man. So, if all of my time is spent satisfying my flesh, then my spirit man will grow weak, possibly to the point of death, which is what carried-out-sin causes. When one is 'walking' and 'living' by the flesh, then sin is its best friend. When one is walking and living by the Spirit, then one is always ready to hear and receive whatever God has to say about ANYTHING! So, tell me, why do you abstain? Is it for religious reasons or for relationship reasons? Do you desire to draw closer to God so that you become more like Him in every way? Do you desire to be so close to God that you can physically feel His presence? My friend, I encourage you to practice what you preach.
Peace, Blessings, and Favor
Jesus said in Matthew 17:20 "If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and NOTHING shall be impossible unto you (emphasis added). A mustard seed is so small until you almost need a magnifying glass just to see it in the palm of your own hand. To think that such a small amount of faith can move a huge mountain is like completely awesome right? Right! However, we need more than faith to move the mountain. We must move on that faith by speaking to the mountain. I believe that even though all one needs is a mustard-seed-size of faith we all have different "faith-sizes". Some people have golfball-size faith. Some have baseball-size faith. Some even have basketball-size faith. It doesn't matter what size your faith is; what matters is that you work it by moving on it. Since everyone does not have the same size of faith; we should not expect others to believe God like we do nor for the things we believe Him to do. Did you know that your faith can be affected by the faith of others, whether it's for the good or bad? Therefore, it's important that we guard our faith and work it according to how we believe. Be careful of who you share your dreams, visions, and even desires with because the doubt of others will negatively influence unguarded faith. Your faith will also be challenged. During those times, you must exercise your faith like never before. Just know that whenever you do work YOUR faith, NOTHING shall be impossible for you.
Peace, Blessings, and Favor
For some reason I feel like there is a leak in my passion pump. I no longer desire to do the things that I feel I was once ''passionate'' about. Sometimes I feel that too much information about someone else who is doing what I used to do or would like to do has caused me to feel inferior and possibly less than qualified...even though I have experienced success. However, that is beyond believable because how can the knowledge of someone else cause one to question his/her ability to do the very thing that they were once successful at because of their passion. I've heard of dry seasons and such; so I'm not exactly ruling that out. I just know that something is missing. It almost makes me wonder if there is another passion that is on the rise, like for a cause in connection to an experience that I haven't shared just yet. Still, though, the things that I was once passionate about should be the objects of some kind of purpose-driven desire to move forward right? I remind myself of some things that I was told but wonder if those things were spoken because of what others saw on me or what they actually knew about me. This is definitely a moment of revelation into what really drives me to do what I do. It causes me to search my heart and identify the motives for doing the things that I once had a passion to do. At this point, I don't even seek a ''thing'' to pour passion into; but I seek passion for something that will drive me to simply ''do''. I have to find this leak, and soon, because I'm almost empty!
Peace, Blessings, and Favor
Wow, it's been over two weeks since I posted! Geesh! That's a long time not to feel inspired enough to inspire someone else. Geesh! Well, I will admit that I've been attending one too many pity parties! What's even more tripped out is that I've been blowing balloons, spreading confetti, the whole nine! It's kinda hard to admit but it's the truth. On yesterday, I got a call from my Mama, who has got to be the best Mama in the world! She said that she had a feeling something was wrong so she wanted to check on me. I just broke down into tears when she asked how I was doing. I started singing my little ''woe-is-me'' song. When I finished, she began to tell me about the people in Alabama who ARE suffering as a result of those tornadoes. She began to paint a picture with her words to let me see just how fortunate and blessed I am, even though things are a little hard right now. She told me how people have been forced from their comfortable homes to cots in a shelter; from preparing meals whenever they desired one to not knowing when or how they would be fed; from walking on dry land to pushing through flood waters. Now, I'm not gonna lie and say that I immediately felt better, because I was so deep in my pity until I didn't wanna think about nobody else. Just selfish! Later on, I talked with one of my big brothers and he advised me to change my perspective, which, to me, was similar to what Mom had shared earlier. After pondering on all I had heard, I began to see just how petty my little discomforts were. It's bad enough to have uncalled-for-pity but for the pity to be over petty things is just down-right ridiculous! I appreciate my mom and big brother for allowing me to be honest about my emotions regarding my ''situation'' but I appreciate them so much more for not allowing me to stay in that place of petty pity. There are two major things that I took from those conversations on yesterday. (1) It's not as bad as it looks; I just have to change how I look at it. (2) There is always someone else experiencing much harder challenges that I. Get up and get over it!
Peace, Blessings, and Favor
How many times have you met or even seen the pilot of your flight to wherever you trusted him/her to take you? My answer, rarely! It probably would be nice to meet him/her but you don't ask do you? One thing that you probably do expect is to hear from them, right? Hearing from the pilot just seems to make the journey much more comforting because communication is so important when you know where you're going but not sure of the route to get you there. Question...how can we trust a man/woman, who we rarely see but hear, yet it's such a task to trust God whom we've never seen but know He's near. Spiritually and physically I am in a strange but familiar place but it's a part of my journey to destiny. I began this journey trusting God to get me to my destination safely. I have to be honest though and say that this place has definitely challenged my trust because it was not where I expected I would be. Today, during my flight from Baltimore to Chicago, I looked at my watch to record the time of a journal entry. My watch, of course, was still set for central time yet I was flying from an eastern time zone. In the middle of the air, I had no clue as to where I was better yet what time zone I was in; yet, I knew I was still on my way to Chicago and that my pilot was gonna get me there safely and on time. So I completed my entry, put my journal/pen away, and chillaxed. There are gonna be times when we will not have a clue as to what's going on while traveling on the journey to our destination. It is during those times that we must trust our Pilot. When you feel anxious, get out a pen and some paper and write because speaking through emotions can do some serious damage since there is so much power in the tongue. Don't wanna write, read. Get a Word about your present situation and start speaking that. Don't wanna write nor read, reMIND yourself of the Word God has already given you and begin to meditate on that. While you're at it, get a glass of juice or tea or coffee and chillaxed. Pay attention and be on the look out for those flight attendants that are there to make your ride a little more comfortable...i.e. your pastor, mentor, mom, dad, friend, etc. There is definitely peace in the midst of the chaos if you would only trust your Pilot and enjoy the ride.
Peace, Blessings, and Favor
Today, my best friend and I attended a multiracial/cultural church! It was such an amazing experience! I noticed the diversity of the ministry upon entering the sanctuary but I didn't realize just how ''international'' it was until it was time to receive the welcome. It was translated in Spanish and Korean and the translators were pastors in the ministry. Not only were they pastors but a musician and a praise and worship leader. The Korean pastor played the keyboard and the Spanish pastor led the song for the choir, which was also sang in Spanish. I had no clue what they were saying but I was completely blessed by their energy, excitement, and enthusiasm. Someone in that service knew exactly what they were saying; and I'm sure they were blessed even more! Then when it was time for the message, the bass player walked up to the podium wearing a lapel microphone. Yep, the bass player was also the pastor! At this point, I am for real floored at what I'm witnessing! It was such a beautiful site! On top of ALL of this, the Word was AWESOME! Now, had I judged this ministry from the outside-in I would have missed it all. It is, what we call today, a "store-front-church", meaning that it is in the same plaza with stores and such. This was not a 3,000-seat auditorium with balcony and an overflow. It did not have cameras everywhere with VIP seating either. In this ministry, I saw what some "mega-ministries" have spent years trying to accomplish and that's to become a place where all races/nationalities can come together and worship God! This place had the necessary components for everyone who was anyone to feel like someone and not out of place! This place had vision beyond huge edifices and large congregations. Please don't misunderstand me as someone who criticizes other ministries that have those desires. I'm just saying that size shouldn't matter as much as I know it does to some pastors. What should matter is whether what we're doing is advancing the Kingdom of God. What should matter is that we become pastors after God's heart, not worrying about attendance on Sunday but how many will come into relationship with God through our ministry. Who will be honest and admit that you thought from the title that this blog had a physical connotation? If not, then that's great! If so, then it just really illuminates my point. We can't make decisions based on what we see on the outside but what we experience from the inside. Who or what have you judged from the outside-in? Try seeing them/it through God's eyes.
Peace, Blessings, and Favor
Last Saturday I decided to try another brand of cereal but with the same ingredients, like oats and raisins. On the front of the box was this picture of a tasty spoonful of "crunchy sweetened wheat flakes with oat clusters and raisins." Unfortunately, when I poured my first bowl, no raisins nor oat clusters came out with my flakes. So, I was like, "Millville cheated me out of my raisins and oats!" Thankfully, I had some raisins of my own to add to the cereal. After having to add raisins to a few bowls, I had concluded that this was a case of ''false advertisement''! Since I don't advocate throwing good food away I decided to keep the cereal and just continue to add raisins. This morning before pouring me a bowl, I decided to shake the box, really just to be shaking. Lo and behold when I opened the bag and peeped into it I saw a few raisins between some flakes! So I closed the box and gave it a few more shakes. After those shakes, the infamous oat clusters were there! Haa-le-lu-jah! Haa-le-lu-jah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Ha-le-ey-lu-jah! Yep, I was some kind of happy! My first spoonful almost looked like that one on the front of the box! I was like, ''it's true, it's true, there are raisins and oat clusters in the box"! (Smile) I immediately began to think about the shaking that I have been experiencing in my own life these last few months. I realized that it is all to bring up and out what is inside of me. God has placed inside of me everything that I need to accomplish His purpose for my life and sometimes He has to move me or some things/people around me in order for those things to surface. I'm working on my second CD project entitled "Wilderness Worship - The Transition". During this transition, I have learned to worship and praise God when everything around me says that I should be depressed and bitter. BUT...I believe that God HAD to place me in a wilderness experience in order for me to write the songs and poems I've written that I KNOW are gonna help someone else. Millville's intentions were to provide me, the consumer, with healthy bran flakes and some extra ingredients that will enhance the taste, as well as provide other nutrients. Nowhere on the box did it say ''shake before opening'' because Millville had done it's part by putting the ingredients in there. It was up to me to get to the good stuff....the substance. In order to get there, I had to shake the box. Does things seem to be spiraling out of control in your life? Are you losing things/people that you held very dear to your heart? Are you experiencing unexpected or 'out-of-the-blue' things? If so, then are these things 'shaking you up'? If so, then I would encourage you not to focus on the negative but dig deep into your heart and allow these things to make you better, not bitter. Allow God to pull out of you what He put into you when He created you. I would also admonish you to watch what you consume as well, naturally and spiritually. Be careful of what you watch on television, what you read in books, magazines, etc., what and who you listen to, because whatever is in you is gonna come out, sooner or later. If you're not being shaken, then ask yourself, do I need one?
Peace, Blessings, and Favor
This morning I read about two different encounters Jesus had with lepers, as recorded in the Gospels according to Mark and Luke. In Mark 1:40-42, a leper was cleansed when Jesus touched him and declared him clean. Immediately the leprosy departed from him and he was cleansed. In Luke 17:12-14, ten lepers were cleansed because they obeyed a command from Jesus. When they asked Jesus for mercy, He commanded them to go show themselves unto the priests. As they went, they were cleansed. According to the law in Leviticus 13 and 14, lepers were required to follow very precise instructions, as well as make several sacrificial offerings, in order to be cleansed. Those lepers in Luke were given instructions but no offering was required. It is recorded in I Samuel 15:22 that it is better to obey than sacrifice. There have been times that I have made sacrifices through my giving, my praying, my praise, etc. I've come to understand though that those things mean very little if I am not willing to move at God's command. Sacrificial giving, praise, prayer, and fasting are all good spiritual exercises but can God trust us to do what He wants, when and how He wants it done? After reading Luke 17:14, I was so amazed at the words ''as they went''! Jesus said "go" and they went! I'm sure they were aware of the power He had to heal them with a touch but they obeyed without thought, without hesitation, without bargain, without murmuring or complaining. As they began to walk in obedience to the command of Jesus, they were healed!!! Sometimes we're not gonna see or experience the move of God in our lives or on a particular situation until we move at His command! Last Sunday, I shared some things we are required to do if we want God to move on our behalf. There are many commands in His Word that we must obey, as well as commands that He gives us individually. Either way, we are to obey!!!
Peace, Blessings, and Favor
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